Mom Blogger: The Creative Junkie’s Calendar
Now since becoming work at home mom, wife and business owner i find that my time is not only precious but limited and so until I get my blackberry storm, I’m stuck with my leather day planner for my personal as well as my business schedule. Everything from doctor visits, client consultations to teacher conferences. So when I read my new this post called “the almighty calendar” written by Andrea from The Creative Junkie, it was so funny that I simply had to share. In it she writes:
I tried really hard to be hip by using a day planner at one time. I
so wanted to be one of those cool moms who whip out a black and pink
toil covered planner and schedule dentist visits, teacher conferences
and play dates neatly within ½ inch borders in perfect penmanship.A planner just wasn’t in the cards for me because there simply
wasn’t enough room in one of those things to write down, cross out,
write down again, cross out again, scribble in, underline, circle and
arrow as much as is required by this family.In order to maintain my sanity, I was forced to establish ground rules
for the calendar early on. Everyone in this house knows the rules. And
may God have mercy on your worthless soul if you break one.
So here are Andrea’s 10 ground rules that she established for her calendar (an now mine…lol):
RULE #1:
The calendar is the most sacred object in this house. It must not be
defiled by melted chocolate or doodles or math problems or vocabulary
words or wet drinks or be used as scratch paper to see if the pen you
found under the couch still works.RULE #2: I am the only one allowed to write on the calendar. Otherwise, we have incidents like this:
There is no need to violate the calendar like this, especially when I
fill in all birthdays immediately upon purchasing the calendar every
year. And if that is not enough, it is physically impossible for me to
forget something that is chanted incessantly in my ear for months on
end. I HEAR YOU. Now, go away and leave me alone.RULE #3:
If it’s not on the calendar, you did not tell me about it, I know
nothing about it and therefore, it is not happening. THIS RULE IS
STRICTLY ENFORCED, NO EXCEPTIONS. VIOLATORS WILL BE PUT TO THE CURB AND
SOLD FOR A QUARTER. Do not try to weasel your way out of it by telling
me I forgot to write something down. I do not forget to write things
down, unless you count Weight Watchers points and then, who asked you?RULE #4:
Do not under any circumstances tell me of any event, happening, outing,
appointment, etc., during Lost. Things told to me during this time
never reach my ears and will be deemed never to have been uttered in
the first place. While I am trying in vain to wrap my head around the
concept of time travel and trying to figure out why Ben’s beaten and
battered face has not completely fallen off, I do not need you
blathering on about a skating party. I do not hear you.RULE #5:
Just because you are tall, dark and handsome and bring in the bacon and
fry it up in the pan and … never mind. Just because you are the man of
the house does not mean that you are exempt from these rules. You are
not. So do not try to bamboozle me with a foot rub while you explain
that by some freak accident, the calendar does not show that you have a
golf outing the next day when both girls have to be in two different
places in two different time zones at the same time. Time travel and I
don’t get along – see Rule #4. So stop with the foot rub. It’s not
going to work. It’s not. It’s not. It’s … oh yeah, right there. Sigh.RULE #6:
When you are done looking at the calendar, place it gently on the top
of the fridge. Do not fling it will nilly on top of the fridge, causing
it to hit the back wall and slide down into no-man’s land. I simply do
not have it in me to listen to your father’s wails of pain from the
hernia he will undoubtedly believe he has from moving the fridge. And I
also don’t appreciate having to dust off all the God-knows-what that
will inevitably be covering the calendar upon its rescue. I don’t do
dust, or haven’t you figured that out by now?RULE #7:
If the calendar is not on top of the fridge, it better be in either my
hands or in the hands of someone standing immediately next to the
fridge. It better not be in the washing machine, under the coffee
table, in the garage, on the driveway or used as teacher’s art pad in
Helena’s School for Gifted Children. Mommy cannot be held responsible
for what happens when she is forced to deal with a calendar that is
missing in action. This rule is established for the good of the entire
household because who’s going to cook dinner while Mommy is
incapacitated in the hospital from an exploded head?RULE #8:
I will only write as many things as I can fit in the space allotted for
that day so all activities proposed are on a first come, first serve
basis. I cannot fit a soccer game, softball game, band concert, awards
ceremony, book fair, swimming and fundraiser on Wednesday and even if I
could, I wouldn’t because that would be lunacy and I stopped doing
lunacy last week. There will be no arguing about this BECAUSE I SAID SO.RULE #9:
This list stays attached to the calendar at all times. If you have this
list but not the calendar, or vice versa, that is a problem that
requires your immediate attention. Figure out a remedy before I find
out about it and yelling WHO’S GOT THE CALENDAR is not a solution as I
might hear you and become suspicious.RULE #10:
Do not ask me anything unless you have checked the calendar. This works
like the “shortest distance between two points is a straight line”
theory. We can save a whole lot of time in this family if you just
follow this rule. See below:YOU: Can …
ME: Are you asking me something?
YOU: Ummm, yes?
ME: Did you check the calendar?
YOU: Ummm, no?
ME: Then why are you talking to me?
YOU: But …
ME: No buts. You know the rule.
YOU: Is …
ME: Am I speaking Braille? I already told you. Go check the calendar.
YOU (one minute later): OK, I checked it.
ME: Now what did you want to ask me?
YOU: Can you help me with my math?
ME: When?
YOU: After dinner?
ME: And what does the calendar say for tonight?
YOU: It says “go grocery shopping.” There’s a picture scribbled next to it … I think it’s someone crying.
ME: Have a seat, we’ve got all the time in the world.
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